My brain. online. officially.

September 8, 2007. Over one month into my second year of medical school and still I feel a disconnect with everyday life. Where has my brain gone for the last year and a half (minus the one month of travel/vacation)? Maybe I'm pulling a derealization defense response to cope with the overwhelming nature of medical school.

Medical school provides fodder for the anthropologist. We populate a sub-culture of nerds-who-think-we're-well-rounded or who were well-rounded until med school forced them to sacrifice their full self to focus only on their medical self. We are a sub-culture of workaholics, perfectionists, altruists, scientists (whatever that really means), and--hopefully--humanists. At least we were when we started.

Someone tell me-- is it a normal part of aging to lose passion and drive? Everyone talks about getting "jaded," but is that a useful defense against ignorance or a damaging process which we should fight with constant self-motivation?
If the former, then humanism will leave medicine as the medical school system continues to manufacture, not nurture, future doctors. If the latter, then medical schools (at least the ones I'm familiar with) should re-evaluate the amount of time spent by students in passive learning and the ways in which professors model behaviors towards future patients. There must be a transition-- a line-- between the thought process of the usually idealistic, compassionate medical student and the incredibly exhausted, disease-focused intern. I intend to discover this transition and push it back as far as possible. Let's see what happens....